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Next was the long awaited Opening Ceremonies. A brave she elf appeared fighting off some creature to save her life. (I forget what the creature was. It was on the other end of the stage.) She was then followed by some orcs, Easterlings, the incredibly huge Sauron and Ringwraiths. The evildoers infested the stage sending fear and Ringwraiths into the audience. They dispersed and the brave she elf came back on the stage. She was being threatened by a horrifying creature in black. Dear God, what was that thing? Oh! It was just Marc Lee in disguise! After being stripped of his rags by a lovely female assistant, he introduced Eve and the Breeze onto the stage. Eve and the Breeze sang a lovely song while pictures of Tolkien and art from LotR appeared on the screen behind them. Marc then came back out looking like his own James Bond and introduced all the scholars, artists and actors onto the stage. Lawrence appeared wearing a Thumb-FC shirt. Marc paid him $1 USD for wearing the shirt. That’s worth about .10 Euros. Nathaniel Lees came out in true Captain Mifune form, pumping his arms and pretending to holler at the top of his lungs. Mark Ferguson came out wearing his Boss Elf shirt! You are awesome, Mark! Craig’s panel was up after the wonderfully exhilarating Opening Ceremonies. The sweet crowd sang him Happy Birthday. After the song, Craig proceeded to tell the crowd how his birthday went. Apparently Craig and Mark spent a few days in L.A. and were getting ready to fly to Chicago and then to Toronto. Once they arrived to Chicago, Mark had one of those awful feelings in his stomach. He realized that he forgot his passport and the tickets for the rest of his trip back in L.A. Mark and Craig spent most of his birthday in an office trying to get a new passport because their next destination was Toronto. He was very clear to state that Toronto was in another country and Mark needed his passport to get into Canada. Craig was very clear on many of his points throughout the weekend, but the reason for that will come up later. He said that the crowd was probably getting bored from the story, but he needed to relive the experience for therapy thanks to “My friend, Mark Ferguson.” This part of the story is a bit blurry, but it had something to do with being in Toronto and using his Sauron voice to one of the flight ladies behind the counter. Frantic, much? He also mentioned that they wore the same clothes for three whole days because their luggage got lost. Nice. Towards the end of the story he said, “Marky, I love you.” Aaaaw. During his therapy session, Craig kept mentioning that a man in the audience had a pole sticking out of his head. It turned out to be somebody holding a staff behind his head. So he asked the staff wielder to come up on stage. I guess the guy told him that the dragon on top of the staff breathed fire through its mouth. Craig takes the staff, says who knows what, and lights up his lighter next to the dragon’s mouth. Then a funny look appeared on his face. Apparently he singed the side of the dragon’s mouth, leaving a burn mark on it. Later on, some FedCon people appeared on stage wearing the same t-shirt (look at the pictures to see the t-shirt.). Regarding the shirts, he mentioned how he thought that Bonn was a hip place and that he could be very fashionable. So he wore a wrap to the last dinner after the con was over. I guess not everybody could appreciate his fashion sense. Craig mentioned that his show, Mercy Peak, was over due to some dumb person. I think it was at this point that an audience member came up to a microphone and said that her mother thought that Craig had gained weight since the last con and that his stomach looked bigger. He said that was a typical statement coming from a mother. One time he went to lunch with his mother wearing a really cool and stylish new pair of jeans that were shredded and torn. I guess he wanted to be stylin’ with him mom. His mom told him that she thought it was time for him to get a new pair of jeans. Craig was asked how he felt being a blond. A silly little laugh escapes his lips once he says he puts the blond wig on. And dear goodness, this is where the blond jokes started. He said it took the movie so long to make because of all the blonds in the movie. He later mentioned that his fellow blond elf Orlando wore skates to do the Elven glide. He stated many things very clearly for the blondes in the audience. Another question was what Craig liked to watch as a kid. He said that he didn’t have any until he was ten because he lived in a cupboard. He listened to the radio which had some good shows and he liked Dr. Who. Mark later came out to join Craig onstage. Mark didn’t understand why Craig was making all the blond jokes since he got blond highlights in his hair while in L.A. They entertained the crowd doing Theatre Sports, which is like Whose Line Is It Anyway but live. Mark and Craig were once again absolutely hysterical. They even pulled up Mark Lee to join in. They were so entertaining, I didn’t even bother to write notes. You can’t report on anything those guys do. It’s one of those things that you have to watch. Buy the DVD when it comes out! It will be well worth it. You don’t want to miss Craig and Mark feeling each other’s thigh, do you?
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